The Work Ethic and Fighting the Fear…

Considering I have been thinking about this work for about a year, It is ridiculous that I hadn’t considered what it would actually do to my thinking once I got started.

Having the money in the bank, the ACE logo on the blog and website, and a title, changes things. I have a renewed sense of purpose. The work ethic has returned. I am driven. I am steaming ahead and letting the ideas form.

Michael and I have already exchanged files with recorded ideas. We have a dedicated dropbox, with notes! I have wired up the drawings with the mic I borrowed from Bill and I really like the results, so I think I shall buy one for myself. I can see me using it loads, recording sound from anything that moves, or doesn’t… 

Laura has taken some initial photos and a bit of video I will be able to use soon. It will feel like a sort of launch.

My friend, fellow artist Sarah Goudie asked questions the other day about performance art. She will be helping me curate this thing towards the end, and will act as a sort of mentor/brain prodder along the way. She is able in many ways to see my work more clearly than I do. I am slow in some respects, and reluctant in others, and a bit fearful too. But… I like to think… I hope…that once I recognise the reluctance and fear, I acknowledge it. Having acknowledged, I then try to come to terms.

Over the last ten to fifteen years I have gradually come to know and call myself An Artist, A Songwriter, A Singer… each has been a leap in self confidence, in recognising myself. I feel the next leap will be the thing about performance art. In my head there’s a big old gap between “I sing with a band” then: “I perform with a band” then: “I’m a performer” and god forbid the ultimate in my fear and hatred of pretentiousness “I am a Performance Artist”. I can’t make the mental leap to the last statement. I’m ok with “I write songs and sing with a band”… but …at the moment, no further. 

It’s a title loaded with art-bollocks for most people, including me. I am not comfortable with these things. How I see myself has always been a bit tricky.

Maybe the work I’m doing over the next year will change things again?

2 thoughts on “The Work Ethic and Fighting the Fear…

  1. Lynn Beckett says:

    Can identify with how you feel. Identies formed then lost on the journey of life. Labelling and categorizing child, teenager, wife, mother, jobs and job descriptions, middle aged, elderly. Artist, amateur, hobbyist. Gardener, allotment plot holder. Known as Lynn the Artist. Me? Known at last by who I am inside.

    Like

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