And there it is…
Big Red Shiny Button pressed.
Except it is none of those things.
I’m thinking of suggesting to Arts Council England that they make it so.
It always feels momentous.
The immediate feeling is one of relief after weeks of work to get it done and off. I can ‘forget’ about it for a while – six weeks.
I’ve done a few of these now and it’s never got any better.
I’ve been moderately successful… but the ‘No’ still smarts.
At this point, although I think I’ve done my best and I’ve had people read it with me, and for me, and had people edit bits for me here and there too, I never know.
Of course, when it is rejected, and I read the letter, it’s obvious. But at this very moment it is Schrödinger’s Application. Both dead and alive.
… … …
Back in the rest of my head are these drawings. Here I have been thinking it’s a new thing, then while searching through my photos I came across a digital image I had made in 2013. Oh. Not new then? No. The image showed lines/veins/branches… in very similar formation to the rivulets of watercolour that my drawings are built upon and through.
I suppose I should take comfort in the fact that at least I am plagiarising my own work, not someone else’s. But it is rather irritating that I didn’t even recognise what I was doing.