There’s a cycle.
I do wonder if being a woman, I’m more tuned in to these things? If you are a man and you feel that you are tuned in to the cycle, do tell. It is of interest…
I decided to have a “day off”. Sundays aren’t usually days off, they are usually studio days. This is largely, but not totally, due to the watching of loads of football in my house, and I can’t be doing with it all!
But today, apparently not. I’ve not asked why, because this sort of question often generates a one sided conversation that I’m not interested in, and always wish I hadn’t asked, but feel that I need to smile and be polite, having initiated the exchange.
So… a Sunday, seemingly not engaged with Art with a big A, in Studio with a big S.
There are studio days when I’m all fired up to draw. Others when sewing is the thing. Others when procrastination by tidying is the key to joy.
Rare, but also featured, is the Admin Day. These activities can be allotted time percentages as follows:
Sewing (recently less than previously) 5%
Admin should probably be more, procrastination less, but in reality it facilitates the rest, so I let it be.
Yesterday was an Admin Day. I am completely unable to focus on these tasks unless the mood strikes, so when it does, I yell “hallelujah!” don my business cardi and dive in!
I filed a few receipts, to warm up, straightened a few piles of paper and logged in to the Arts Council funding portal. Not for the faint hearted.
Towards the end of 2018 I submitted a bid which was unsuccessful. I sulked and chucked stuff about for a bit, decided not to rewrite the bits criticised and resubmit… but sit on it for a while and rethink.
In January I applied for an A-N bursary and that was unsuccessful too. I did a bit more chucking and sulking. The effects of rejection on the artist is a big thing. Puts you back doesn’t it? Shakes the confidence?
But, because the A-N bid was smaller and quicker, at least I didn’t feel like I’d wasted weeks of unpaid time putting it together. If they say yes, the time is worthwhile. If they say no, you feel like you should be able to demand 10% for effort!
So what I had decided to do was a merge the two things together. I needed to simplify the ACE project I had submitted. So using the A-N writing as a guide, I decided I could maybe make a hybrid bid that would pare it down, but still allow me to do what I wanted…
I sat thinking about it for a couple of weeks but had made the decision to do this. It takes me ages to filter and mull… but yesterday was writing day!
Anyway, I’ve started… it could take a while, but the bee has taken up residence in the bonnet, and it will be done!
So this is the thing about cycles… one phase not only leads into another, but actually allows, creates the space for it to happen. I’ve had a few weeks of steady drawing. Immersed. And while immersed, mulling things over. Loads of things… lyrics, gigs, rehearsals, blogs, workshops, drawing sessions for Drawing Your Space with Sarah, making stuff… selling stuff… (YESSS! WOOHOOOO! Three drawings over the last few weeks!) And of course, the writing for the Arts Council.
Having spent about three hours on it yesterday, I then had another couple of hours drawing before I came home.
So I’m tired. Hence the “day off”………… but it isn’t really is it? It’s just another phase of the cycle. We are just us two living under this roof now, so we do what we want when we want to. Our mealtimes often don’t have names, because they fall in gaps. Weekends often have a little bit of something to eat after a lie-in… about 11:00… could be brunch, but can be all manner of items, that wouldn’t be considered normal for brunch. Then we might have something about 4…. Then a crumpet or something with a late film?… maybe… the thing we should have had for the breakfast that we didn’t have.
Meanwhile, in amongst all this revolutionary, anarchic tomfoolery, my brain wanders about on its own…making shit up…and smashing it down.
I have ironed some clothes, folded, put them away in colour order. I have hung a selection of tops and dresses in the wardrobe, in a colour coordinated floral arrangement. I have placed plants still in pots around the garden, deciding where they should go.
I curate my home.
And while I do so, I filter and mull… preparing for the next round…